It seems like the kids, an 11-year-old boy and his little sister, are about to join their parents in death, when out of nowhere a burly lumberjack-looking dude comes up, snaps a Nazi neck, and takes them with him. Mom goes down in a hail of gunfire on a beach. Dad grabs a gun and blasts one of them, but then another one hoses him down with a flamethrower, the orange fire blooming bold against the cyan cinematography. White Fire opens in media res, with some blue-tinted footage of a family running in slow-mo from some Nazi cocksuckers. You can tell you're in for a treat right from the first frame of White Fire, a 1984 Robert Ginty vehicle made a few years after the surprise success of the blowtorchsploitation classic The Exterminator made the hangdog William Sanderson lookalike an unlikely action hero.
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Frank goes to all this trouble to clear his good name, and for what? Dammit, I hate that octopus.Īnyway, if you've ever wanted to see a movie where a random giant octopus is introduced in the last four minutes, this (and maybe the deleted scenes from Goonies) is probably your best bet. Frank is already worn out from his battle with Baragon, so he doesn't put up much of a fight when Cocktopus drags him over the cliff to a watery grave. Anyway, whatever his fuckin' problem is, this octopus is an even bigger prick than the last monster. The movie wasn't too specific about the octopus' motivations. Maybe he was pissed off about Frank chucking that douchebag Baragon into his ocean, or maybe the octopus was really the mastermind behind the whole thing and Baragon was only his henchman. With only four minutes left in the movie, a random giant octopus (you can tell it's a giant octopus because one of the scientists yells, "Look! That's a giant octopus!") climbs out of the ocean to fight Frank. Then Frank holds his corpse over his head victoriously and throws him over a cliff into the sea.Īny other movie would end right here, but not Frankenstein Conquers The World. Since he's not covered in 200 pounds of rubber, he has the mobility and speed to turn the tables on Baragon. But that's actually Frank's secret weapon. At first, you don't think he has a chance because this Baragon asshole is so much bigger, and he can shoot red lasers out of his mouth, while Frank's just a skinny Japanese guy with no special powers. It's kind of funny, because Frank is just some dude with a big forehead, so it's extra ridiculous when he jumps on the rubber puppy-lizard's back and starts whaling away. Then him and Baragon finally meet up and have a knock-down, drag-out fight across the Japanese wilderness. So now the army's trying to kill poor Frank while the Hiroshima scientists are trying to save him. He's tunneling all over the countryside, blowing up oil refineries and making Frank take the blame for it. The problem is, there's this other monster, a real prick named Baragon who looks like a reptilian Labrador puppy with a glowing horn on his snout. He breaks out of the lab and lives in the mountains, occasionally getting into some mischief, like when he throws a whole tree at a bird and it accidentally crushes some poor dude's log cabin. Then, for reasons not fully explained, he starts growing and growing and growing until he's about 50 feet tall. Then they discover that Frank will regenerate any damaged tissue as long as he gets a steady dose of protein. They helpfully explain that he's a Caucasian, even though he's very clearly played by a lanky Japanese dude. Some scientists working at a hospital for victims of the Bomb find Frank wandering around, so they bring him back to the lab for study. I don't want to belabor this review, because if you've seen one giant Frankenstein movie, you've seen 'em all. It begins like so many others have, with some Nazis retrieving Frankenstein's still-beating heart from a mad scientist's castle in Frankfurt and transporting it via submarine to a lab in Hiroshima, where the A-bomb causes it to regenerate into a full-grown monster that spends the next 15 years eating bunny rabbits in the radioactive ruins. We Failed Michael Jackson: Jim is heated as he looks back on the Jackson 5 Ed Sullivan performance from 1969 and realizes that the world failed young Michael Jackson with the purple hat and purple vest.What we got here is your basic Japanese giant monster movie. Horror Nights: New maze announced for the upcoming HALLOWEEN HORROR NIGHTS at Universal! Jim and Them will be there!įirework Mishaps: In post 4th of July show tradition we get to check in on all of the firework mishaps and general fun happening all over the country.